What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want to fling myself into the sun
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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