So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize