I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
