I faked an abortion last night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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