All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
