It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
