wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am one with the molecules
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
