# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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