i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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