I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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