So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
