Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize