I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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