i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
