How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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