dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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