fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
