??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
