I love black thongs
Plan B is the new Plan A
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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