I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
