Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
