At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
