We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
