Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
