all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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