I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am one with the molecules
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
