Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
