I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You did what with his pubic hair?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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