At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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