Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
