I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
