we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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