You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
