You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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