I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
