I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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