went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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