i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
