is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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