I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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