Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
