I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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