i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
