Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize