Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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