her vagine was all disorganized.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
