O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
