Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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