It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
