My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
