its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
