Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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