that's an acceptable place to lick
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What drink are we having for lunch?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
