Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
