drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
