Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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