I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
