you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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