glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
