So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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