They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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