I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im six kinds of drunk right now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize