Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
