all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
