I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
