My cat gives me a boner
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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